Underwear

There are three signs of the arrival of the apocalypse, Snoop Doggy Dog making a reggae album, RuPaul coming out as straight and me writing a post about underwear. So, in face of the title of this post, we arrive at two conclusions, one the end is near, and two the future of the world is in the hands of RuPaul. If the first conclusion worries me the second leaves me extremely comfortable with the future of our species.
Today, I woke up and said to myself "it's time to buy underwear", I could have said something else like "it's time to watch a movie", or "it's time to get a foot massage" but instead I thought I might as well buy underwear. Social norms tell us that underwear has a sexual connotation and as such it is mainly a female concern. Women worry about which underwear they should use, so they can look more attractive to their partners, though for most men lingerie (if it's a word for fancy underwear it should be in french) is a hassle and something that is separating them from a naked woman.
Straight men don't care about underwear, specially theirs. There is in the US nevertheless, a rule, a female imposed rule - NEVER WEAR SPEEDOS. Now Speedos is a brand of swimwear but what Americans mean with this expression is don't wear jokey briefs. Women in America think jokey briefs make men look effeminate, just like scarfs. Whenever you use a scarf in America women always ask you if you are European or gay. So men don't care about male underwear but in America women do. American women don't want men to look gay or European when they take their clothes off to have sex with them - making sense?
Because boxer shorts are a fashion statement that disappeared in the 90's, Americans came up with the boxer briefs, which are jokey briefs that go slightly down the thigh covering a bit of the upper leg. That small piece of fabric makes the difference between a gay, European man and a MAN. H&M has specialized in boxer briefs and it struck up contracts with David Bekham (who played soccer in America but actually played football in Europe) and film studios like Warner Brothers and Lucas Film to produce movie themed boxer briefs. That's right. Not only won't you look gay and European with H&M underwear you will also entertain your partner with film commercials before you have sex, or at least make her think she is getting laid with David Bekham (who is European). I have some boxer briefs from H&M but they don't last long and soon get holes in them.
When visiting American Apparel some years ago I found out they had really cool jokey briefs. Now they are back in fashion because of the whole retro thing. I bought a pair then. They were comfortable, and really well done - they are produced in downtown LA. I still have the pair I first bought and I have bought many American Apparel jokey briefs since and they have all lasted years.
So this morning I went to American Apparel to buy another pair of jokey briefs but I bought them with the colors of the American flag because I don't want my female partners to think I'm European!

Red and Blue like the stars and stripes!